Parker Palmer: grief, Suffering, Violence, and Hope

Parker Palmer: Grief, Suffering, Violence, and Hope

“Violence is what happens when we don’t know what else to do with our suffering.”—Parker Palmer, On the Brink of Everything: Grace, Gravity & Getting Old (Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc., 2018), p. 48.

I am not even a quarter of the way through this recent book by Parker Palmer, and I have already underlined most of what I have read. I am especially moved by this quote about violence from Parker’s commencement address to the class of 2015 at Naropa University in Boulder, Colorado.

We see this every day in our lives. Violence stems from accumulated suffering that we and generations before us can no longer bear. Violence is grief that cannot find any other outlet or transformation. Maybe some have simply inherited this way of responding to suffering. Violence is grief over the loss of identity, the loss of what we think may be ours, the loss of loved ones, the loss of land, the loss of life’s work, the loss of the rights others have, the loss of food and shelter, and the loss of love. 

Grief is a powerful energy. I know it best from working with people in a grief recovery group, Walking the Mourner’s Path. Unfortunately, grief saps us of all energy. Sometimes we become paralyzed. When we grieve, we can become violent toward others, blaming them for the loss of our loved ones. We can harm ourselves, grow bitter, and see ourselves as victims.  

There is hope, enormous hope.

I have seen this tremendous energy turn into something other than violence. As we listen to the stories of others who are suffering, this impulse can be transformed into empathy and love. When suffering moves beyond its own pain and reaches out to the pain of others, it can become compassion. Compassion leads to nonviolent ways of moving through suffering, especially in community.

Suffering may not be the only factor in violence, but it can help us look at violence in ourselves and the world to see what role it plays in these interactions. This involves looking at what must be happening within ourselves and others, and showing compassion whenever violence raises its ugly head. 

Our faith stories teach us that finding love and compassion amid suffering can lead to a resurrection experience.

Joanna  joannaseibert.com

Wise Selfishness, An Act of Loving Kindness

Wise Selfishness

“We have to take care of ourselves without being selfish. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we cannot survive. We need to do that. We should practice wise selfishness rather than foolish selfishness. Foolish selfishness means thinking only of yourself, not caring about others, bullying others, or exploiting others. In fact, taking care of others, helping others, ultimately is the way to discover your own joy and have a happy life. So that is what I call wise selfishness.” (the Dalai Lama).—His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu with Douglas Abrams, The Book of Joy (Avery, 2016), pp. 47-48.

Recently, I met with a group of people who visit hospitals and homebound members of our congregation. I asked, “What feeds your soul about visiting the sick and homebound? Why do you do something that will always interrupt your routine to visit someone you may not know?” Almost to a person, the answer was, “I always get more out of the visit than the person I meet with.” Another person spoke up, saying, “It is a two-way street. We both learn to see Christ in each other. This helps us eventually see Christ in ourselves.”

One person said, “We must not forget that we bring love and community to someone vulnerable and in need of connection.” These wise men and women have experienced that visiting and praying with those in need brings love and connection to both parties. Most visitors have experienced this as well. In the past, many also received a pastoral visit when they were in need. They have experienced what it is like to walk in the shoes of those they visit.

I don’t think any hospital visitors would consider their ministry selfish, but the Dalai Lama, Bishop Tutu, and Douglas Abrams might describe it differently. They would say that feeding another’s soul, which also feeds our own, is wise selfishness. An act of loving-kindness is always wise selfishness.

Joanna  https://www.joannaseibert.com/

Making Sacrifices

Giving Up Our Lives

Sacrifice

“There will be countless opportunities to witness for Christ and to give up our lives for the sake of Christ. There will be many opportunities to “lay down our life” for another person in need, probably even today – not in some ostentatious act of heroism and notoriety, but more likely in some very mundane and rather hidden way.”—Br. Curtis Almquist, Society of Saint John the Evangelist

Sacrifice may be a word we have forgotten or lost from our vocabulary. We have become so polarized that we cannot sacrifice our beliefs to listen to each other. Yet we know we are so right and deserving. Our recent example of sacrifice came from a former president, who gave up his ambition and the belief that he was the right person to lead this country. It became clear that his legacy would not endure in this country if he did not step down from the nomination for a second term. He also told us how difficult that decision was. 

First of all, the sacrifice we are required to make is simply to listen to those who think differently from us. On the surface, we may believe others are trying to take away our rights and those of others. They are so wrong. The sacrifice may simply involve listening to the other side. How did they get there? What triggered their fears? My experience is that wounded people want someone to listen to their stories. Then maybe they will listen to our story. It is not a quick fix. It takes time. It means we consciously look for the Christ in each other. Sometimes the process may take years.

During the pandemic, everyone I spoke with knew someone who had died or been infected, often a beloved family member. We desperately wanted to be together again, back to our old life. We learned this would not happen unless each of us made sacrifices. We had to wear masks indoors at large gatherings and get vaccinated. We would never live the life we once had. Things would be different.

We learned that we would lose many whom we dearly loved unless we continued to make sacrifices.

The hardest sacrifice for us was not being able to see the family members we love so much. We had to settle for seeing our grandchildren, Zoe and Turner, through a picture window.

Every day, we should remember and celebrate that this is no longer how we have to live.

Sacrificing for the whole has been ingrained in our country’s DNA. We must remember our history and re-member. We are called to become members of the body, not a mass of individuals with shouting voices and our fingers in our ears.

It is called Crossing the Divide.

Joanna. https://www.joannaseibert.com/