Servant Leadership

Nouwen: Leadership

“It is the compassionate authority that empowers, encourages, calls forth hidden gifts, and enables great things to happen. True spiritual authorities are located at the point of an upside-down triangle, supporting and holding everyone they lead in the light.”—Henri Nouwen in Bread for the Journey (HarperSanFrancisco, 1997). 

The upside-down triangle. What a brilliant image for leadership, one that supports, empowers, and encourages those being led. I have a spiritual friend who tells me that his senior warden explained it another way: “You have to let them know that you care before you show them what you know.” How true this is in any kind of relationship or ministry. This is one of the models Jesus gives us. I believe I have encountered a handful of leaders in my lifetime who fit this description. It is a rare form of leadership. It is servant leadership.

I recently cried with another friend, Ann, as we shared the struggles of trying to lead by practicing this leadership style. When we use it, we are often labeled a “weak sister.” This leadership style is counter-cultural. We can face resistance at almost every turn.

Even if we have not been servant leaders in the past, there is still time to change. When we are given a chance, we can try to live it. We can share our experiences with other spiritual friends and support one another. It is a leadership model that is not powered by our ego—or by as little ego as possible.

Parker Palmer identifies this form of leadership in Let Your Life Speak (Jossey-Bass, 1999). Leaders who are insecure about their identity deprive others of their autonomy as they try to bolster themselves. Secure leaders are not afraid of chaos. They do not view the world as a battleground. They are not functional atheists who believe it all depends on them. The identity of these leaders depends not on the role they play or the power it gives them over others. Grounded leaders know we are all valued children of God and that the group’s work can be life-giving for all. 

May we pray to become this kind of servant leader and to be led to become role models and mentors who also embody servant leadership.

Fall is an ideal time to reflect on our leadership style.

Joanna  joannaseibert.com

Parker Palmer: grief, Suffering, Violence, and Hope

Parker Palmer: Grief, Suffering, Violence, and Hope

“Violence is what happens when we don’t know what else to do with our suffering.”—Parker Palmer, On the Brink of Everything: Grace, Gravity & Getting Old (Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc., 2018), p. 48.

I am not even a quarter of the way through this recent book by Parker Palmer, and I have already underlined most of what I have read. I am especially moved by this quote about violence from Parker’s commencement address to the class of 2015 at Naropa University in Boulder, Colorado.

We see this every day in our lives. Violence stems from accumulated suffering that we and generations before us can no longer bear. Violence is grief that cannot find any other outlet or transformation. Maybe some have simply inherited this way of responding to suffering. Violence is grief over the loss of identity, the loss of what we think may be ours, the loss of loved ones, the loss of land, the loss of life’s work, the loss of the rights others have, the loss of food and shelter, and the loss of love. 

Grief is a powerful energy. I know it best from working with people in a grief recovery group, Walking the Mourner’s Path. Unfortunately, grief saps us of all energy. Sometimes we become paralyzed. When we grieve, we can become violent toward others, blaming them for the loss of our loved ones. We can harm ourselves, grow bitter, and see ourselves as victims.  

There is hope, enormous hope.

I have seen this tremendous energy turn into something other than violence. As we listen to the stories of others who are suffering, this impulse can be transformed into empathy and love. When suffering moves beyond its own pain and reaches out to the pain of others, it can become compassion. Compassion leads to nonviolent ways of moving through suffering, especially in community.

Suffering may not be the only factor in violence, but it can help us look at violence in ourselves and the world to see what role it plays in these interactions. This involves looking at what must be happening within ourselves and others, and showing compassion whenever violence raises its ugly head. 

Our faith stories teach us that finding love and compassion amid suffering can lead to a resurrection experience.

Joanna  joannaseibert.com

Wise Selfishness, An Act of Loving Kindness

Wise Selfishness

“We have to take care of ourselves without being selfish. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we cannot survive. We need to do that. We should practice wise selfishness rather than foolish selfishness. Foolish selfishness means thinking only of yourself, not caring about others, bullying others, or exploiting others. In fact, taking care of others, helping others, ultimately is the way to discover your own joy and have a happy life. So that is what I call wise selfishness.” (the Dalai Lama).—His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu with Douglas Abrams, The Book of Joy (Avery, 2016), pp. 47-48.

Recently, I met with a group of people who visit hospitals and homebound members of our congregation. I asked, “What feeds your soul about visiting the sick and homebound? Why do you do something that will always interrupt your routine to visit someone you may not know?” Almost to a person, the answer was, “I always get more out of the visit than the person I meet with.” Another person spoke up, saying, “It is a two-way street. We both learn to see Christ in each other. This helps us eventually see Christ in ourselves.”

One person said, “We must not forget that we bring love and community to someone vulnerable and in need of connection.” These wise men and women have experienced that visiting and praying with those in need brings love and connection to both parties. Most visitors have experienced this as well. In the past, many also received a pastoral visit when they were in need. They have experienced what it is like to walk in the shoes of those they visit.

I don’t think any hospital visitors would consider their ministry selfish, but the Dalai Lama, Bishop Tutu, and Douglas Abrams might describe it differently. They would say that feeding another’s soul, which also feeds our own, is wise selfishness. An act of loving-kindness is always wise selfishness.

Joanna  https://www.joannaseibert.com/