What I learned from my Grandmothers

What I learned from my grandmothers

my grandmother Whaley and her sisters

The prompt for our writing group this week was “What I learned at my grandmother’s knee.” I am thinking about my grandmothers, especially around Mother’s Day, because I am one as well.

Grandmother Johnson’s wedding dress

I dedicate this piece to my Grandmothers Johnson and Whaley.

I had the privilege of growing up with two amazing grandmothers. My Grandmother Whaley lived a block away, and my Grandmother Johnson lived about a six-hour drive away. She lived near my other cousins, but I never felt she loved my brother and me any less. She was a widow for many years and lived on my grandfather’s Methodist minister’s pension, so she had very little money. But every Christmas, she would give one of her five grandchildren a little extra, according to their needs. When I was in medical school, I frequently received the Christmas Jackpot! 

My Grandmother Whaley was kind and very quiet. I would help her during her “women’s circle meetings,” serving refreshments like egg custard, punch, cake, nuts, and mints. She had four sisters; two lived close by. They often played canasta at my grandmother’s, and I would play with them when I was younger. Of course, we never played on Sunday. When I went away to college and medical school, I would always stop by my grandparents’ house to say a brief goodbye. I remember one time when my grandmother was playing cards with her sisters. I said goodbye, and shortly after leaving, I realized I had left something at their house. I walked back in, and my grandmother was not there. “Where is Grandmother?” I asked. Her older sister, Fannie, said, “She has gone upstairs to cry. She always misses you so much.” I quickly ran upstairs and gave my grandmother a big hug and a kiss. That day I learned how much my grandmother loved me, and I never forgot it. I would always decorate my grandmother’s Christmas tree. My grandfather would cut down a small tree from his farm and put it on the white marble table that is now in our living room. I don’t know what I learned from this, except that, as a child, my grandmother let me become the person God created me to be rather than some model of perfection.

Both of my grandmothers taught me about love through their actions more than their words. I treasure the time we spent together. They were both bright spots in my childhood, one far away and one close, each teaching me about unconditional love.

Joanna joannaseibert.com

Grace and My Mother's Book of Common Prayer and Hymnal

Grace

“Like the unexpected call of a friend just when you need it most, grace arrives unannounced. A door opens. A path becomes clear. An answer presents itself. Grace is what it feels like to be touched by God.”—Bishop Steven Charleston, Facebook page.

I stand waiting to walk out and read the Gospel as we sing the hymn before the Gospel: “Dear Lord and Father of Mankind.” I glance at the last verse and see, faintly written in pencil just before the last line begins, the word “softer.” It is in my mother’s distinctive handwriting. I had forgotten that my mother sang in the choir at Grace Episcopal Church in Yorktown, Virginia. This must be a directive from the choir director. 

My mother has been dead for twenty-seven years. We did not always understand each other, but when she died, I wanted to honor her. I decided to start using her personal hymnal and prayer book in church.

Her name has worn off the front cover; the gold cross will soon disappear. The red leather cover is coming apart, especially the backboard of the book’s spine. I have not repaired it because, for some unknown reason, what remains of this book, just as she used it, seems to connect me to her.

When I saw my mother’s writing, I gasped and offered a brief prayer of thanksgiving. We had some challenging times, but I have begun to heal over the years since her death. This morning, in this split second, I felt reconciled with my mother and grateful for her life and support.

Healing family relationships takes time and constant prayer for family members and for ourselves. Today, I realize that prayer works. Attempting to connect with an estranged family member through something the family member treasured over time works.

Valuing what we have in common, rather than dwelling on our differences, brings healing in life as well as after death. For example, my mother and I shared our love of the Episcopal Church, especially singing. Today, I felt my mother beside me. 

Through this realization, I came to understand another way: God’s Grace continues to heal and care for us over time if we only put ourselves in a position to receive.

 Grace is helping us through this time. Our only job is to look for it and see it all around us.

The name of my mother’s Episcopal church in Yorktown also helped! Grace!

Bless you for supporting the ministry of our church and conference center, Camp Mitchell, on top of Petit Jean Mountain, by purchasing this book, A Daily Spiritual Rx for Lent and Easter, part of the daily series of writings for the liturgical year. 

My mother never saw this book or the other two in the series, but she would have liked them. If you enjoyed this book, could you briefly write a recommendation on its Amazon page? More thank-yous than I can say for helping support a special camp for Arkansas’s children, youth, and adults!!!

Joanna. https://www.joannaseibert.com/

Mothers

Mothers

“On this Mother’s Day, we give thanks to God for the divine gift of motherhood in all its diverse forms. Let us pray for all the mothers among us today; for our own mothers, those living and those who have passed away;

 for the mothers who loved us and for those who fell short of loving us fully; for all who hope to be mothers someday and for those whose hopes to have children have been frustrated; for all mothers who have lost children; for all women and men who have mothered others in any way—

those who have been our substitute mothers, and we who have done so for those in need; and for the earth that bore us and provides us with our sustenance. We pray this all in the name of God, our great and loving Mother. Amen.”—Leslie Nipps in Women’s Uncommon Prayers (Morehouse, 2000), p. 364.

Sarah Kinney Gaventa wrote an excellent piece on GrowChristians.org titled “Liturgical Trapdoors: Preparing for Mother’s Day” that explores how difficult secular holidays such as Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can be for some people and how the Church can compound their pain.

 Having all the mothers stand up in church can be painful for those undergoing fertility treatments. People with unhappy childhoods may have difficulty comparing the love of a mother or father with the love of God.

So many people come to spiritual direction to grapple with these very issues.

Gaventa offers this more universal prayer for mothers from Women’s Uncommon Prayers as a starting point. We know the love of God through other people, but when a standard is presented for a specific role, such as mother or father, and ours does not fit, we can become even more wounded.

Gaventa suggests we talk more about the feminine aspects of God and Jesus. We can discuss God caring for us as a mother without criticizing human mothers who have fallen short.

She also reminds us that Ann Jarvis, the woman who started the Mother’s Day movement during the Civil War, was a peace activist. Perhaps one way to honor all mothers is to suggest a peace outreach project so that mothers would never again have to send their fathers, husbands, sons, and daughters to war.

Joanna joannaseibert.com. https://www.joannaseibert.com/