Spiritual Friends Again

Gerald May III: Spiritual Friends

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“At the deepest level of our hearts, we are all aching for one another and for the same eternally loving One who calls us. I think it would be well if we acknowledged this more often to one another.”—Gerald G. May in Will and Spirit (HarperOne, 1982), p. 321.

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In Will and Spirit, Gerald May writes that we should not undertake the spiritual journey alone, regardless of our traditions. May quotes Kenneth Leech, who opens his book on spiritual direction, Soul Friend (Harper & Row, 1980), with the Celtic saying: “Anyone without a soul friend is a body without a head.” A spiritual friend or guide does not give directions but points the way—someone who knows something of the terrain from having traveled it. Such a guide can say, “I think there may be trouble over there; perhaps try this way.”

Professional training or qualifications of a director, counselor, or friend are far less important than the fundamental qualities of primary positive intent, humility (not presuming to know more than one knows), and willingness (commitment to traveling a rough road and allowing guidance to come from God rather than trying to engineer it); and responding simply and directly to the needs of others as they are presented.

May cautions us that if we expect to be spiritual friends by learning discernment techniques and applying them to others, the outcome will be a blind sales pitch or a slightly pastoralized psychotherapy. He describes psychology as seeking to help a person solve the problems of living, whereas spiritual direction deepens the Question of life itself.

Joanna.   https://www.joannaseibert.com/

The Lens Through Which We See the World and Each Other

 The Lens Through Which We See

“If you wear glasses, you often forget they’re even there! Only when you take the lenses off do you realize how much your capacity to see is shaped by the lens through which you see, or as Richard Rohr often says, ‘How we see is what we see.’”—Cynthia Bourgeault in The Shape of God: Deepening the Mystery of the Trinity (CAC, 2004), disc 2. 

Here, Cynthia uses an analogy to teach us about the Trinity, and we can also apply it to everyday life. If you or the spiritual friends you meet wear glasses, try this exercise:

Take off your glasses. Try to see at a distance or read a passage of text. Perhaps you will “see” that what you “see” depends on the lenses of your glasses. Our lens, or how we see the world, is often filtered by our work, family, or position.

We might experience a need for prestige, a desire for money, control, or power, a longing to be in the spotlight or to be successful, or an obsession with beauty, clothes, food, another person, alcohol, drugs, or other addictions. We must wear sunglasses when the world or the sun is too bright. Sometimes, if we are depressed or grieving, we may indeed see the world through dark glasses.

Meditation, prayer, and meeting with spiritual friends can help us find the prescription for the lenses we use to view our family, friends, enemies, and the world. We learn to take those glasses off and are led inward to see the light, the Christ within ourselves, and the Christ within our neighbor.

We begin to see ourselves, the world, and others through the lens of the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, forbearance (patience), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).

Joanna  https://www.joannaseibert.com/

Listening for God in Each Other, Spiritual Direction

Gerald May: Spiritual Direction, Listening for God in Each Other

“Besides differing from psychotherapy in intent, content, and basic attitude, spiritual direction is generally marked by a distinctive atmosphere seldom found in any other interpersonal relationship. As one person put it, ‘Being in spiritual direction is like being in prayer, only there’s someone with me in it.’”—Gerald G. May in Care of Mind/Care of Spirit: A Psychiatrist Explores Spiritual Direction (HarperSanFrancisco, 1982), p. 113.

When I took down Dr. May’s book Care of Mind/Care of Spirit from my bookshelf and opened it, a September 1990 bulletin fell out. It mentioned a book group at my church reading Care of Mind/Care of Spirit. The book had no marks, so I knew I had not read it. This happened more than thirty years ago, two months before I entered recovery. 

Our book group had read May’s book Addiction and Grace the previous year. For some reason, I was not ready to hear May’s words then. But on this day, it was different. In 1990, we became missionary members of Saint Mark’s Church to start another Episcopal church in a growing part of our city. Alas, May’s book would have been helpful in starting a new congregation as I began life in recovery, and even more so nine years later, when I was studying to become a deacon.  

This is one of the best books I have read on spiritual direction. Dr. May emphasizes how spiritual direction differs from his own highly effective psychotherapy. In therapy, the director or caregiver “hopes to encourage more efficient living in the prevailing culture, seeking to bolster an individual’s capacity to achieve a sense of autonomous mastery over self and circumstances.” By contrast, spiritual direction “seeks liberation from attachments and a self-giving surrender to the will of God.”

At some point, spiritual direction may stand in opposition to many cultural standards and values supported by psychotherapy. May skillfully writes about how a spiritual director constantly seeks out rabbit holes or traps the directee may encounter while simultaneously looking for God in their life. May also reminds us that the real healer is God and that the director and directee are merely channels. 

May cautions spiritual directors about how easily we can become distorted in our roles, “playing God.” I try to keep this book as close as possible while doing the direction. Sometimes I have to avoid obsessing over what May would say about something that comes up in a meeting. After spending some time together, I hurriedly look up the appropriate chapter. But, of course, May would say that our job is not to worry about what we say in the moment, but to focus solely and “most soulfully” on connecting this person to God in that moment! 

Joanna.   https://www.joannaseibert.com/