What Matters Most

What Matters Most

“The things that matter most in our lives are not fantastic or grand. They are moments when we touch one another, when we are there in the most attentive or caring way.”—Jack Kornfield, A Path with Heart (Bantam, 1993).

This morning, I remember returning from my almost sixty-year high school reunion. There were thirty-three in my graduating class. We believed we could make the trip that year, but weren’t sure about the next, so we decided to go now. We had lunch with friends I knew from growing up in a small town in tidewater Virginia. Some might have called it a one-horse town, since we had only one stoplight. We would talk about driving up to “the light.” I am so glad we went. I spoke with one of my friends who now lives in a county in Virginia that boasts it has no stoplights! 

It felt as if it had been only a few days since we last saw each other—instead of fifty-eight years. Why is it so easy to reconnect with those we grew up with? They knew us before we wore many masks. There is no need to put on pretense around them. They know who we are and where we came from. When we meet again, we are all back on an equal playing field. 

Most of the women in my class went off to college. Many boys stayed in our small town, worked at the mill, and retired early. All seemed to enjoy life. Most seemed genuinely interested in what the others were doing and asked about them rather than talking about themselves. All had experienced some tragedy and some magical moments. 

Shortly after we returned that year, my oldest granddaughter sent us photos from her senior prom. I see photos of her friends and, in some small way, understand how important these relationships must be to her. I wonder what her fifty-eighth high school reunion will be like. We will have one more granddaughter going to her senior prom with dear friends in the new year.

I will keep that day and this visit in the memory book of my mind and hope to revisit them again, hopefully next year. I will give thanks for where I grew up and for the many friends who influenced me and taught me about caring. 

I cherish that my grandchildren are having these exceptional experiences, more valuable than gold. 

Joanna. Joannaseibert.com

Servant Leadership

Nouwen: Leadership

“It is the compassionate authority that empowers, encourages, calls forth hidden gifts, and enables great things to happen. True spiritual authorities are located at the point of an upside-down triangle, supporting and holding everyone they lead in the light.”—Henri Nouwen in Bread for the Journey (HarperSanFrancisco, 1997). 

The upside-down triangle. What a brilliant image for leadership, one that supports, empowers, and encourages those being led. I have a spiritual friend who tells me that his senior warden explained it another way: “You have to let them know that you care before you show them what you know.” How true this is in any kind of relationship or ministry. This is one of the models Jesus gives us. I believe I have encountered a handful of leaders in my lifetime who fit this description. It is a rare form of leadership. It is servant leadership.

I recently cried with another friend, Ann, as we shared the struggles of trying to lead by practicing this leadership style. When we use it, we are often labeled a “weak sister.” This leadership style is counter-cultural. We can face resistance at almost every turn.

Even if we have not been servant leaders in the past, there is still time to change. When we are given a chance, we can try to live it. We can share our experiences with other spiritual friends and support one another. It is a leadership model that is not powered by our ego—or by as little ego as possible.

Parker Palmer identifies this form of leadership in Let Your Life Speak (Jossey-Bass, 1999). Leaders who are insecure about their identity deprive others of their autonomy as they try to bolster themselves. Secure leaders are not afraid of chaos. They do not view the world as a battleground. They are not functional atheists who believe it all depends on them. The identity of these leaders depends not on the role they play or the power it gives them over others. Grounded leaders know we are all valued children of God and that the group’s work can be life-giving for all. 

May we pray to become this kind of servant leader and to be led to become role models and mentors who also embody servant leadership.

Fall is an ideal time to reflect on our leadership style.

Joanna  joannaseibert.com

Parker Palmer: grief, Suffering, Violence, and Hope

Parker Palmer: Grief, Suffering, Violence, and Hope

“Violence is what happens when we don’t know what else to do with our suffering.”—Parker Palmer, On the Brink of Everything: Grace, Gravity & Getting Old (Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc., 2018), p. 48.

I am not even a quarter of the way through this recent book by Parker Palmer, and I have already underlined most of what I have read. I am especially moved by this quote about violence from Parker’s commencement address to the class of 2015 at Naropa University in Boulder, Colorado.

We see this every day in our lives. Violence stems from accumulated suffering that we and generations before us can no longer bear. Violence is grief that cannot find any other outlet or transformation. Maybe some have simply inherited this way of responding to suffering. Violence is grief over the loss of identity, the loss of what we think may be ours, the loss of loved ones, the loss of land, the loss of life’s work, the loss of the rights others have, the loss of food and shelter, and the loss of love. 

Grief is a powerful energy. I know it best from working with people in a grief recovery group, Walking the Mourner’s Path. Unfortunately, grief saps us of all energy. Sometimes we become paralyzed. When we grieve, we can become violent toward others, blaming them for the loss of our loved ones. We can harm ourselves, grow bitter, and see ourselves as victims.  

There is hope, enormous hope.

I have seen this tremendous energy turn into something other than violence. As we listen to the stories of others who are suffering, this impulse can be transformed into empathy and love. When suffering moves beyond its own pain and reaches out to the pain of others, it can become compassion. Compassion leads to nonviolent ways of moving through suffering, especially in community.

Suffering may not be the only factor in violence, but it can help us look at violence in ourselves and the world to see what role it plays in these interactions. This involves looking at what must be happening within ourselves and others, and showing compassion whenever violence raises its ugly head. 

Our faith stories teach us that finding love and compassion amid suffering can lead to a resurrection experience.

Joanna  joannaseibert.com