Wise Selfishness, An Act of Loving Kindness

Wise Selfishness

“We have to take care of ourselves without being selfish. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we cannot survive. We need to do that. We should practice wise selfishness rather than foolish selfishness. Foolish selfishness means thinking only of yourself, not caring about others, bullying others, or exploiting others. In fact, taking care of others, helping others, ultimately is the way to discover your own joy and have a happy life. So that is what I call wise selfishness.” (the Dalai Lama).—His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu with Douglas Abrams, The Book of Joy (Avery, 2016), pp. 47-48.

Recently, I met with a group of people who visit hospitals and homebound members of our congregation. I asked, “What feeds your soul about visiting the sick and homebound? Why do you do something that will always interrupt your routine to visit someone you may not know?” Almost to a person, the answer was, “I always get more out of the visit than the person I meet with.” Another person spoke up, saying, “It is a two-way street. We both learn to see Christ in each other. This helps us eventually see Christ in ourselves.”

One person said, “We must not forget that we bring love and community to someone vulnerable and in need of connection.” These wise men and women have experienced that visiting and praying with those in need brings love and connection to both parties. Most visitors have experienced this as well. In the past, many also received a pastoral visit when they were in need. They have experienced what it is like to walk in the shoes of those they visit.

I don’t think any hospital visitors would consider their ministry selfish, but the Dalai Lama, Bishop Tutu, and Douglas Abrams might describe it differently. They would say that feeding another’s soul, which also feeds our own, is wise selfishness. An act of loving-kindness is always wise selfishness.

Joanna  https://www.joannaseibert.com/

Making Sacrifices

Giving Up Our Lives

Sacrifice

“There will be countless opportunities to witness for Christ and to give up our lives for the sake of Christ. There will be many opportunities to “lay down our life” for another person in need, probably even today – not in some ostentatious act of heroism and notoriety, but more likely in some very mundane and rather hidden way.”—Br. Curtis Almquist, Society of Saint John the Evangelist

Sacrifice may be a word we have forgotten or lost from our vocabulary. We have become so polarized that we cannot sacrifice our beliefs to listen to each other. Yet we know we are so right and deserving. Our recent example of sacrifice came from a former president, who gave up his ambition and the belief that he was the right person to lead this country. It became clear that his legacy would not endure in this country if he did not step down from the nomination for a second term. He also told us how difficult that decision was. 

First of all, the sacrifice we are required to make is simply to listen to those who think differently from us. On the surface, we may believe others are trying to take away our rights and those of others. They are so wrong. The sacrifice may simply involve listening to the other side. How did they get there? What triggered their fears? My experience is that wounded people want someone to listen to their stories. Then maybe they will listen to our story. It is not a quick fix. It takes time. It means we consciously look for the Christ in each other. Sometimes the process may take years.

During the pandemic, everyone I spoke with knew someone who had died or been infected, often a beloved family member. We desperately wanted to be together again, back to our old life. We learned this would not happen unless each of us made sacrifices. We had to wear masks indoors at large gatherings and get vaccinated. We would never live the life we once had. Things would be different.

We learned that we would lose many whom we dearly loved unless we continued to make sacrifices.

The hardest sacrifice for us was not being able to see the family members we love so much. We had to settle for seeing our grandchildren, Zoe and Turner, through a picture window.

Every day, we should remember and celebrate that this is no longer how we have to live.

Sacrificing for the whole has been ingrained in our country’s DNA. We must remember our history and re-member. We are called to become members of the body, not a mass of individuals with shouting voices and our fingers in our ears.

It is called Crossing the Divide.

Joanna. https://www.joannaseibert.com/

The Things We Say

The Things We Say

Mac at 18 just after he voted for the first time

“A year and a half ago, my son Griffin, upon turning eighteen, asked me one afternoon, ‘Dad, if you could go back in time and say one thing to your eighteen-year-old self, what would it be?’  Immediately, my mind began swimming with the possibilities:

‘Begin investing in an IRA as soon as you get your first job.’

‘Experiences are invariably more enduring and valuable than things.’

Don’t speed.  The scenery is worth slowing down to see.  Speeding worsens your blood pressure, and speeding tickets destroy your auto insurance premiums.’

All of these nuggets are helpful and borne of experience, but after some additional consideration, I realized the one thing I wish my more worldly self could tell my budding, brash, invincible, doe-eyed, thought-I-understood-everything, fragile-and-unknowingly-on-the-precipice, eighteen-year-old self. I would tell myself, ‘Barkley, the things we say we cannot unsay.’”—The Very Rev Barkley Thompson, “The Things We Say,” Sermon, February 16, 2020, Christ Church Cathedral, Houston, Texas.

Barkley, in particular, reminds us that our God of love challenges us to bless our family, friends, neighbors, and even our enemies. He reminds us of the harm we do with our voice, which is almost impossible to take back, especially when we use words that are not blessings but curses. Barkley reminds us that the key is indeed in our breath. When we are considering something that is not a blessing, he suggests we stop and breathe in, breathe in God’s love, and also exhale the love of God into the atmosphere. It may take some time before we no longer want to spread unkindness into the universe we are considering. Barkley reminds us that this is a spiritual practice, a breath prayer. Over time, we think and feel differently.

Each word of kindness is part of God’s creation of love, which we can exhale into our world. My experience is that stopping the curse is the most critical part. I must stop and change gears in my mind, heart, and spirit. It may take many breath prayers before I am getting close to breathing out the love of God. I will not change the situation or the person who is inducing my anger, but the breath prayer will change me. 

This year, all six of our grandchildren will be voting, including three for the first time. It is a milestone where I think about what I would like to tell them about what I wish I had done or not done. In the end, I finally realize I want to tell them simply how much they are loved.

Joanna.  Joannaseibert.com