Contradictions Paradoxes

Contradictions

“The many contradictions in our lives - such as being home while feeling homeless, being busy while feeling bored, being popular while feeling lonely, being believers while feeling many doubts - can frustrate, irritate, and even discourage us. They make us feel that we are never fully present. Every door that opens for us makes us see how many more doors are closed.
But there is another response. These same contradictions can bring us into touch with a deeper longing, for the fulfillment of a desire that lives beneath all desires and that only God can satisfy. Contradictions, thus understood, create the friction that can help us move toward God.”

Henri Nouwen

Thanksgiving 2016

I talk with so many working mothers about the contradictions of thinking about their family while they are at work and thinking about work when they are home. I as well struggled with this for years. I realized and comforted myself and others by saying that the amount of time is not as important as the quality of time spent with my family. If I spent quality time with my children I could justify being away from them at other times. This could be a heresy. A heresy has just enough truth to make it sound good, but mostly it is a false belief. I honestly don’t know the answer and perhaps my children can tell you more. I do know that I learned gifts from my children that helped me in my work such as patience, seeing beauty where I might have missed it, listening to people I would not ordinarily listen to, making decisions with circular feminine power, knowing how a meal together can bring better understanding of where people are, how humor and play can change a situation, not taking myself so seriously. From my work, I learned about the value of decision making with others. All of my best diagnoses were made when I brought my expertise to a child’s illness with the expertise of another physician from another specialty.  I think because of our work, we exposed our children to people and places outside of the home that gave them a broader world view. Our best parenting advice came from a friend from our church, Phyllis Raney, at a workshop where she told us that our job as parents was to provide and expose our children to the broadest possible smorgasbord of interests. What they chose, however, was up to them.  I think the larger world view of people and places was this smorgasbord that our work allowed us to offer our children. Perhaps our children learned from us a work ethic and an appreciation of education.

Living in two worlds also taught me much about paradox and living in the tension of a paradox. For me, it was impossible to separate the two worlds completely, and I finally accepted that the tension was part of it. This allowed me to accept the paradox of other issues and accept and live with their tension, such being a spiritual and a human being, connecting to a spiritual and the natural world. I do talk to others who were better at separating all these worlds and not living in the tension, so I know my approach is not the only way.

Joanna      joannaseibert.com

Buechner Life Work

Buechner Life-work

“THE WORLD IS FULL of people who seem to have listened to the wrong voice and are now engaged in life-work in which they find no pleasure or purpose and who run the risk of suddenly realizing someday that they have spent the only years that they are ever going to get in this world doing something which could not matter less to themselves or to anyone else. This does not mean, of course, people who are doing work that from the outside looks unglamorous and hum-drum, because obviously such work as that may be a crucial form of service and deeply creative. But it means people who are doing work that seems simply irrelevant not only to the great human needs and issues of our time but also to their own need to grow and develop as humans.”

Frederick Buechner,  Originally published in The Hungering Dark

So many people coming for spiritual direction are working through this dilemma. They find themselves stuck in a work that is not fulfilling. They are only keeping on because they and their family need the money. Others have climbed the ladder of success only to find their ladder is up against the wrong building. When we see our life-work as boring and uninteresting, soon we perform in an uninteresting and boring manner. This soon spills over into our spiritual life which also becomes stale. It becomes a vicious cycle.  Buechner often speaks of our ministry being where our deep passion meets the world’s great need.  What is the way out? My experience with others is suggesting they do some inner work with a counselor. In spiritual direction, we will concentrate on the care of the soul, the soul which may have been neglected because so much energy had to go towards developing and putting up a false self about one’s work. Reconnecting to the God of our understanding, praying, working on a rule of life can bring a peace that can be a fertile field for life changing attitudes. We can learn an acceptance of where we are and see this work through new glasses as a real ministry. On the other hand, we may hear a call to a new career, a new ministry, a new job. Whichever way we go, we will learn how our connection to the God of our understanding can flame the passion for our ministry and guide us to what we have been created to be and do.

Joanna   joannaseibert.com

Altars in the World Barbara Brown Taylor

Altars in the World BBT

"Human beings may separate things into as many piles as we wish—separating spirit from flesh, sacred from secular, church from world. But we should not be surprised when God does not recognize the distinctions we make between the two. Earth is so thick with divine possibility that it is a wonder we can walk anywhere without cracking our shins on altars."

Barbara Brown Taylor, An Altar in the World, HarperOne 2009

I may not have read everything Barbara Brown Taylor (BBT) has published, but it is close. I first met her in the 1980’s at a book group led by Dean McMillin, the administrator of our church’s amazing bookstore, The BookMark. Dean picked one of BBT’s first book of her sermons to read, and our group including myself couldn’t put the book down. This was back when BBT had black hair. I was hooked. I listened to her tapes, went to her conferences. I even danced once around the altar at Kanuga in a service with her! She was my mentor at a writing conference at the College of Preachers. She inspired me to be a good preacher and good writer. For years, I preached in her style, used a lot of her material, categorized all her sermons. She is a narrative preacher proclaiming the gospel, not afraid to tackle the tough questions, helping people to experience the gospel. Finally, I think I have found my own voice different from hers, but her style and love of scripture and need to experience what I am reading and to speak out is still ingrained.  I know I am one of many that she has inspired. I try to thank her by sharing what I learned from her with other preachers and writers and remembering her kindness to me each time we talked. The picture was taken when she spoke in Little Rock at Trinity Cathedral at their Insight series in 2017. Two of the members of my Kanuga Haden Institute Spiritual Direction group, Bridget and Liz, came over and we had breakfast with BBT. I only remember a little of what we talked about, but I can vividly remember the feeling of being in the presence of a gifted person sharing her gifts as she also was still empowering us to use our gifts. I remember a recent Christian Century (May10, 2007) article where BBT was asked the names of the guests she would like to invite to dinner. She chose three teachers at distinguished universities who have written to support those with no voice. She would just listen and not say a word and keep their coffee cups filled! She remains an inspirational mentor. That’s the kind of mentor I would like to be, always learning from others.

   I would love to hear about mentors for you.

Joanna   joannaseibert.com

Breakfast with BBT