Palmer: Violence

“Violence is what happens when we don’t know what else to do with our suffering.” —Parker Palmer in On the Brink of Everything: Grace, Gravity & Getting Old (Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc., 2018), p. 48.

I am not even one quarter the way through this recent book by Parker Palmer and already have underlined most of what I have read. I am especially moved by this quote about violence from Parker’s commencement address to the class of 2015 at Naropa University in Boulder, Colorado.

We daily see this in our lives. Violence comes from accumulated suffering that we and generations before us can no longer bear. Violence is grief that cannot find any other outlet or transformation. Maybe some have just inherited this way to respond to grief. Violence is grief over the loss of identity, loss of what we think may be ours, loss over loved ones, loss of land, loss of life’s work, loss of the rights that others have, loss of food and shelter, loss of love.

Grief is a powerful energy. I know it best in working with people in a grief recovery group, Walking the Mourner’s Path. Grief saps us of all energy. We at times become paralyzed. When we are grieving, we can become violent toward others, blaming them for the loss of our loved one. We can become violent to ourselves, growing bitter, seeing ourselves as victims.

There is hope, great hope.

I have seen this enormous energy turn into something other than violence. As we listen to the stories of others who are suffering, this impulse can be transformed into empathy and love. When suffering moves away from its own pain and reaches out to the pain of others, it can become compassion. Compassion leads to nonviolent ways to move through the suffering, especially in community.

Suffering may not be the only factor in violence, but it can help to look at violence in ourselves and in the world to see what part suffering plays in these interactions. This involves looking at what must be going on in ourselves and others, showing compassion whenever violence raises its ugly head.

Our faith stories teach us that finding love and compassion out of suffering can lead to a resurrection experience.

Joanna joannaseibert.com

Prejudice and the Daily Office

“Do not let the oppressed be shamed and turned away;

never forget the lives of your poor.” —The Daily Office (dailyoffice.org).

If I cannot attend the office of Morning Prayer at St. Mark’s, I try to read it from this website. If you do not know about this Daily Office website, you are in for a new adventure. When you access it, all the readings for morning, evening, and noonday prayer are right there in front of you. The Lay Vicar, Josh Thomas, also offers hymns and pictures that relate to the readings, as well as prayer petitions that have been submitted. It is not just a website—but a community of participants praying during a live, twice-daily service of morning and evening prayer. I always feel connected to pray-ers all over the world when I connect to The Daily Office.

As I read these prayers through this community, my mind takes me out of my own problems, and I move more globally. I see the children and families of Latino origin who are still separated and incarcerated at our southern border. I cannot stop thinking and praying about them and those who are making and supporting policies that affects them.

Then I remember an episode yesterday from our food pantry. I go to St. Mark’s weekly food pantry just to meet and talk with those who come for their groceries. I see a brown-skinned woman with black hair and three children of similar appearance come in. They seem to be confused about the process. I immediately think they must be Latino, and motion to our member who speaks Spanish to go over and help them. The mother tells him she speaks English. Later, as I talk with the children, I find out that they are Native American.

I learn about my own prejudice, thinking that all brown-skinned people must be of a certain heritage. I cannot condone the prejudice of those who are harming immigrant children and their families who are seeking asylum in our country; but because of this incident, I gain a little insight into my own darkness.

I make amends to the family and hope I have learned some life lessons taught to me by those who were here in this land long before me.

Joanna. Joannaseibert.com

Reaching Out in Love

“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.” —Desmond Tutu.

I attend the Episcopal Recovery Conference in Asheville, North Carolina, last year and learn so much about recovery from addictions. First of all, I realize that the longer I am in recovery, the more I tend to think I know and have heard it all. Today I am disabused of this thought process. I actually know very little. That is why it is important to continue to attend gatherings like this.

One speaker, Chris Budnick, executive director of Healing Transitions in Raleigh, talks about how we think recovery for others should look similar to ours. Not true. Recovery from addiction is not a cookie cutter process. We share with others our experience, strength, and hope; but we must not expect others to have the same experience, strength, and hope. Perhaps we can see this more clearly in reference to our spiritual life. We each have a spiritual connection to God, but it is different for each of us. So also is our response to recovery and our individual path to achieving it.

I learn one more lesson today. We often talk about someone not coming to recovery because he or she “has not hit bottom.” That means the person hasn’t reached a level of pain that allows openness to change. The speaker gave examples of others who decided to change because people in recovery kept letting them know there was hope for freedom from addiction. Hope for a new life.

Mentors in recovery keep conveying that those who are farther along in recovery care about them, have some realization of what they are going through, and believe there is hope. Those caught in addiction may begin to see glimpses of new life in the person in recovery who seems honestly to care about them.

This is one more way that those in recovery can carry the message to those who are still suffering: by continuing to reach out and give them hope.

Joanna. Joannaseibert.com