Thanksgiving, Listening Day

“To listen is very hard, because it asks of us so much interior stability that we no longer need to prove ourselves by speeches, arguments, statements, or declarations. True listeners no longer have an inner need to make their presence known. They are free to receive, to welcome, to accept. Listening is a form of spiritual hospitality by which you invite strangers to become friends, to get to know their inner selves more fully, and even to dare to be silent with you.” —Henri Nouwen in Bread for the Journey (HarperSanFrancisco, 1997).

As we gather today with family and friends, this is the perfect time to sit back and listen. Listening is at the heart of being a spiritual friend. Nouwen reminds us that listening does not mean waiting for our turn to talk. Instead, it is letting someone else know you are offering the gift of your energy and time to be present and attentive.

Some think it may be easier for introverts, but in reality, introverts may still be processing what they want to say in their minds while others are talking, and therefore they are only pseudo-listening. Extroverts may have difficulty responding directly to what they are hearing, for they better process what they hear on the outside.

The answer is practice, engaged repetition. This is an art form that must be practiced consciously every day until it becomes as unconscious as brushing our teeth.

We have grown up in a multitasking world where we learn to do many things simultaneously: eating while we work or watching television, working on several projects, seeking to solve multiple problems at a time, looking at emails, texting, or searching on our phones while we are sitting down to meet with others. While someone is talking to us, we may be thinking of how we are going to solve another problem as soon as we move on to the next person or meeting.

Living in the present and active listening are becoming lost arts. We must practice them intentionally. My experience is that making eye contact helps keep us focused on the person or people to whom we are listening. This enables us actively to “look for” the Christ visibly and invisibly within others—who can truly be revealed only as we also begin to see the Christ within ourselves. This is a major disadvantage of “listening” to what someone says on social media. We cannot make eye contact or observe what people are saying with their body language.

Listening is an art form and a gift. St. Benedict calls it “listening with the ear of our heart.” Margaret Guenther calls it Holy Listening.

Happy Thanksgiving and Happy Listening Day from our family to yours.

Joanna joannaseibert.com

What Matters Most

“The things that matter most in our lives are not fantastic or grand. They are moments when we touch one another, when we are there in the most attentive or caring way.” —Jack Kornfield in A Path with Heart (Bantam, 1993).

This morning I am remembering when we returned from my almost sixty-year high school reunion. There were thirty-three in my graduating class. We thought we could make the trip that year, but weren’t sure about the next, so decided to go now. We had lunch with friends I knew growing up in a small town in tidewater Virginia. Some might have called it a one-horse town, since we only had one stop light. We would talk about driving up to “the light.” I am so glad we went. I talked with one of my friends who now lives in a county in Virginia that boasts it has no stop lights!

It was as if it had been only a few days since we last saw each other—instead of fifty-eight years. Why is it so easy to re-connect to those we grew up with? They knew us before we had many masks. There is no need to have pretensions around them. They know who we are and where we came from. Meeting again, we are all back on an equal playing field.

The majority of the women in my class went off to college. Many of the boys stayed in our small town, worked at the mill, and took early retirement. All seemed to enjoy life. Most seemed genuinely interested in what the others were doing and asked about them rather than talking about themselves. All had had some tragedy, and all had had some magical moments.

Shortly after we returned that year, my oldest granddaughter sent us pictures of her senior prom. I see pictures of her friends, and can in some small way understand how important these relationships must be to her. I wonder what her fifty-eighth high school reunion will be like.

I will keep that day and this visit in the memory book of my mind and hope to revisit it again, hopefully next year, giving thanks for where I grew up and the many friends who influenced me and taught me about caring.

Joanna. Joannaseibert.com

Charleston: Heart String

“Here is something to do for the little kids in your life. When you are saying goodbye, make a special moment of showing them that you are tying something to their wrist. Tell them it is a heart string. You can’t see it, but if you close your eyes you will know it is there. It will stay on their wrist wherever they go so your love will always be with them. And not to worry, it is magic string, so it will never get tangled, never knock anything over, and never break. It will just keep you connected in your hearts so your love for one another will always be there.” —Bishop Steven Charleston, Daily Facebook page.

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Several of our recent Sunday Scripture readings have been about little children and entering the kingdom of God. Jesus tells us in Mark (10:2-26), Luke (18:15-17), and Matthew (19:14), that we must enter the kingdom by receiving it like little children.

Bishop Charleston’s heart string message to children not only reminds us how we stay connected to those we love, but how God stays connected to us. The God string is always there even if we cannot feel it. At times it feels like a thick rope, and at other times like the thinnest of sewing threads. Sometimes we feel so close to God that we could reach out and touch the Holy One; and sometimes our God seems nowhere to be found.

Almost always we can feel our God connection when we go outside and realize there is something, some power much greater than we can imagine. We still may not believe that this power affirms us or cares about us until a call, a visit, a note from someone else brings God’s love to us. Sometimes that person tells us he or she is praying for us, and we indeed feel those prayers. Then we in time again feel God’s love and can only respond by returning that love to another as it was given to us.

Joanna joannaseibert.com