Art of Not-Knowing

Guest Writer: Ken Fellows

Art of Not-Knowing

Iris Uncertainty. Ken Fellows

      In mid-1970, I began my career as an academic Pediatric Radiologist. With several other American radiologists back then, I helped pioneer a new sub-specialty, Pediatric Interventional Radiology. That endeavor was made possible by an explosive improvement in X-ray imaging. A new device –the image-intensifier –allowed especially clear fluoroscopic (real-time) visualization of inner-human anatomy.

It was soon accompanied by other revolutionary imaging techniques, such as ultrasound (US), computed tomography (CT), and magnetic resonance imaging (MRI). All these provided new and extraordinarily precise imaging of the circulatory system, the heart, brain, and most other organs.

Using this new imaging, interventional radiologists were able to insert local anesthesia, thin catheters, and other small devices into patients through needles (not incisions) to perform therapeutic procedures. No general anesthesia is needed –just sedation of the patient.  

     Using these devices, interventional radiologists began treating problems such as plugging bleeding vessels, closing holes in hearts, opening obstructed arteries and veins, doing biopsies, and draining abscesses, cysts, and other loculated fluids. The past 50 years have seen a vast expansion of these interventional techniques. I performed those procedures for the first 30 of those years.

     Following my retirement from radiology practice 23 years ago, I happened into a ‘second act’ as a watercolor painter and a memoir writer. I’ve sometimes wondered if any common thread exists between these very different eras of my life … any connection between doing interventional procedures and art, and the ‘uncertainty of outcome’ common to both?  

    Pondering this question in my aged rodent brain, a possible connection was suggested recently in the book Emergency Medicine by Jay Baruch, MD. In it, he describes his difficulty in discerning from some patients’ rambling histories and vague symptoms what the actual underlying problem is.

He explains how this is a doctor’s challenge not usually addressed in medical training –this not-knowing –a circumstance so antithetical to medical practice. 

     Dr. Baruch attributes the concept of not-knowing to a dated but still famous essay in which David Barthelme describes the act of writing, and the creative arts in general, as a process of dealing with not-knowing. Barthelme states, “The writer (artist) is someone who, when embarking upon a messy task, doesn’t know what to do.” He adds, “Problems are crucial to not-knowing, and not-knowing is crucial to art.” The essay opines, “Writing is a process of dealing with not-knowing, and that not-knowing is hedged about with prohibitions, with roads that may not be taken.”

To this, Jay Baruch adds: “In any process of inquiry, our uncertainty is our ally.” I, in turn, propose that the ability to welcome uncertainty is often a critical part of being a doctor. Perhaps this idea is the connection I’ve sought between writing, painting, and performing interventional procedures.

       Whether a writer, painter, or doctor, problems causing uncertainty are usually most formidable when beginning an undertaking. The problems are generally a matter of ideas, imagination, or technique. For surgeons and interventionalists, clinical problems typically have either a traditional, patented solution or require an innovative approach, a new maneuver that needs to be created.

Even during routine procedures, unforeseen complications and anatomic aberrations arise that require spontaneous and imaginative corrective action. For doctors, problems of selecting the best approaches to healing are the foundation of their uncertainty and not-knowing.

     In summary, not-knowing is a mental state common to making art and literature. Similar uncertainty often characterizes medical sleuthing, surgery, and interventional endeavors. Expanding the idea, I suspect this inherent doubting is not limited to art and medicine, but exists in many other fields. In various walks of life, uncertainty often enhances performance, fosters progress, and creates innovation. 

Ken Fellows

Joanna https://www.joannaseibert.com/

New Doors Opening

Change and New Doors Opening

Kidd: Spiritual Whittling
“There’s an old Carolina story I like about a country boy with a great talent for carving beautiful dogs out of wood. He sat on his porch whittling daily, letting the shavings fall around him. A visitor, greatly impressed, asked him the secret of his art. “I just take a block of wood and whittle off the parts that don’t look like a dog,” he replied….

In spiritual whittling, though, we don’t discard the shavings. Transformation happens not by rejecting these parts of ourselves but by gathering them up and integrating them. Through this process, we reach a new wholeness. Spiritual whittling is an encounter with Mystery, waiting, the silence of inner places—all those things most folks no longer have time for.”—Sue Monk Kidd in When the Heart Waits (HarperOne 2016 )

This is also my experience of transformation. I constantly realize that parts of my life that keep me “together” or connected to God are helpful at one time but later, become tired and worn and need to rest. Our ministry or what we have to offer changes.

One of the most challenging changes for me was leaving my medical practice. That was my identity. But I wanted to do so many other things. It becomes more challenging to keep up with the constantly changing technical, medical world if we do not stay with it continually.

I learned that just because we are good at one ministry doesn’t mean we should always keep doing it. We may be keeping others from the joy of that ministry, and they may even do it better! Also, the wisdom we learn from one career or ministry is always useful for the next one.

Nothing is ever wasted.

I am also learning to be more vigilant about habits that kept me safe during some parts of my life, which later became destructive.

What am I trying to say?

Life is about constantly giving up control or the illusion that we are in control. It is being open to change, letting doors shut, but being available to enter new doors or not being afraid to sit in the hallway for a while, waiting to hear the squeak of another door opening. Finally, it is about trusting, avoiding being stuck and stagnating or thinking we are out of options.

What new doors will be opened to us this Lent?

Joanna   https://www.joannaseibert.com/

 

 

 

 

Sharing Being Beloved

Nouwen: Sharing Beloved

“Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the “Beloved.” Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence.” Henri Nouwen in You Are the Beloved (Convergent Books 2017)

Beloved Hat Lovers

Our being beloved is a basic premise of Henri Nouwen’s about the spiritual life. He believes that when God tells Jesus he is the beloved son at his baptism, God also speaks to us. Nouwen believes our primal identity is as beloved sons and daughters of God.

When we can accept God’s unconditional love, God then calls us to go out into the world and share this love. Unconditional love is only sustained when it is shared. It cannot be love, only of self. When we forget or cannot believe the truth about this love, self-rejection sets in that can destroy us and others. Unconditional love is constantly being attacked by ourselves, others, and the world around us. We must be reminded about it every day, every second.

One way to keep it is by being connected to a loving community where others strive to hear the voice of unconditional love, where the voice of the God of love is magnified and transmitted. Some days, the voice that we are beloved is so soft we cannot hear it.

Our ears become stopped up by the voices of the world. These days, we need friends to remind us that we are beloved. On other days, we know we are beloved and now remind others. We are constantly being healed and healing others of this self-rejection living among us, which is like an infectious disease.

However, unconditional love is always stronger, stronger than even death.

You are my beloved, Smithsonian American Art

Joanna     https://www.joannaseibert.com/