26B How do we learn to love?, Mark 12:28-34, October 31, 2021, St. Mark’s Episcopal Church Joanna Seibert
A scribe overhears Jesus’ response to Sadducees arguing about the resurrection. He is impressed. So, he asks Jesus a more challenging, perhaps a trick question, “Which commandment is the first of all?” Jesus immediately answers, “ ‘Hear, O Israel: the Lord our God, the Lord is one; you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself./ There is no other commandment greater than these.’”
Jesus calls us,/ no, commands us every Sunday to love God,/ our neighbor,/ and ourselves. So how do we learn to love? Most of you have read Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages. It outlines five general ways to express and experience love, which Chapman calls “love languages.”/ They are acts of service,/ gift-giving, /physical touch,/ quality time,/ and words of affirmation. Chapman even has a quiz helping us decide the love language we best use. Our love language may differ from our family or friends and is notably different from those we do not understand. The book is a summary of how humans love.
But how does God love? The God of our understanding indeed incorporates all of these, but we know there is more. Much more.
Hear, O Israel .. listen…/ God is telling us we love by listening. God listens. Sometimes we think God doesn’t hear us. We forget that the still, small voice of God speaks loudest in the silence. The experience of God’s love and presence may come and go. We may have dry periods, the dark night of the soul. But God is still there. God’s presence is so immense that we cannot imagine or comprehend it. We experience God as absent, but the vast presence of love is still there. God promises always to be with us.
God also loves with generosity beyond belief. We are given the gift of this planet to care for. We are given gifts beyond comprehension, a mind, a heart, a soul, the presence of God within us.
All human forms of love usually have strings attached, the wants and needs of the one giving love. But God’s love is unconditional. No strings, no conditions. So how do we learn about unconditional love?/ We are taught by spiritual friends who have experienced God’s love and have learned how to pass it on. We discover about love when we receive it from others. Love is a gift. This is why God calls us to this community./
When our family first came to St. Mark’s in the 1970s, Truman Welch from Wetumpka, Alabama was one of the priests. Almost all of his sermons were filled with stories of relatives and neighbors from his hometown, mostly older women. We especially remember Aunt Mary Fannie with all her prejudices. Dean McMillin still remembers the story when Aunt Mary Fannie first met a Republican. The people in my stories are not as colorful as Truman’s, but I am again, like Truman, sharing stories about a significant person from my growing up days. My grandfather is the central person who taught me about unconditional love./
My grandfather saved my life three times. The first occasion was when we were swimming in the muddy Mattaponi River next to his farm. He had taught me how to swim, and I know I was a good swimmer, because I often swam for hours along the shoreline. This near-miss tragedy occurred when I was in my primary school years. I have no definite recollection why I suddenly could not stay above water. I think maybe it was high tide, and I had unconsciously gone out beyond the dock where the water was now over my head and panicked when I could not touch the bottom. My grandfather quickly rushed to my side and swam me to shore. I remember later he told me that he as well would have drowned trying to rescue me if he had not been able to save me. /I remembered much later how that best described the depth of his love./
Previously I told you that my grandfather wrote to me every week when I left my small Virginia tidewater town to go far away to college, medical school, residency, and practice. I recently told a story about being with my grandfather shortly before he died and reading Psalms to him from The Book of Common Prayer as he lay in a coma.
A week or so later, I returned for his funeral shortly after his ninety-first birthday. It was an open casket service, which bothered me as disrespectful of the dead and a spectacle for the curious living. I do not remember the service, but I can remember crying without embarrassment during the funeral in the same Baptist church where I sat between my grandparents on Sunday nights, often with my grandfather’s arm over my shoulder. As family and friends gathering afterward at my parent’s home, I remember my uncle, my grandfather’s son, humorously asking me why I, a grown woman, loudly cried at the funeral. I have no idea what I said, but I do remember I couldn’t understand why someone would question that.
The next few days after my grandfather’s death, I knew I had to do something to honor my grandfather’s life. He rarely was critical of my behavior, even during the time of my divorce in medical school, but he often did gently tell me he was praying that I would stop smoking cigarettes. His mother died a respiratory death from tuberculosis when he was five years old. He must have remembered something about that kind of death. I had twenty pack-years of smoking. Something in my grief told me to honor him by quitting smoking. I had tried several times but without long-standing success. Quitting smoking to honor my grandfather became a spiritual experience. I have not had a cigarette since his funeral, December 7, 1979. This is the second time my grandfather saved my life. My mother died twenty years ago from complications related to her smoking. My younger brother also died five years ago from a smoking-related illness, and I could have undoubtedly done the same. My grandfather saved my life while he was alive,/ and now even in his death.
It has been over forty years since that day of my grandfather’s funeral. At the time, I had become overwhelmed in my medical studies and practice while raising our three children. As a result, I had no time for any spiritual life. However, my Christian upbringing taught me about resurrection and the possibility of again being with those we loved in the resurrection. I had to believe that/ and live that. I had to believe I would, in some manner, be with my grandparents again. So, after at least fifteen years, I returned to the Episcopal Church, which I had joined in medical school during my divorce. At the time, I felt like a bad person. No one in my family had been divorced before, even though many should have. However, the Dean of St. Mary’s Cathedral in Memphis, William Dimmick, welcomed me and reconnected me to the God of unconditional love.
Now on my second journey back to the church, and St. Mark’s, in particular, I learned about a whole new way of living for myself and my family. If we are talking about being saved, I believe we were saved on Good Friday over 2000 years ago when Jesus taught us about sacrificial, unconditional love and led us to a new life in the resurrection. However, I do believe my grandfather saved my life again in his death by leading me to a life built on the unconditional love of God toward us and each other. In turn, this leads us out of ourselves to love unconditionally in the world, as my grandfather once taught me. Through him, I learned that God never gives up on us and, like the “hound of heaven,” constantly calls us to be connected to God’s unconditional love. I am counting this as the third time my grandfather saved my life./
Once you have experienced unconditional love, you will never be the same./ Hold on to that. /Also, know you can only keep it by giving it away,/ giving it back to God, to your neighbor, and yourself. So, live in a community and stick with those who have learned the most about unconditional love. From them, you will become aware of receiving it. Then you have no choice but to share it./
I also learned from my grandfather that this love never dies. Love is the only thing we leave on this earth when we die. Love is also the only thing we take with us when we return to God. I still feel my grandfather’s love sometimes even more than when we were physically together. I feel his love when I am capable of doing things I never thought I was able to do, like quitting smoking. I feel his love drawing me closer to God through a community like St. Mark’s. I feel his love telling me to take care of myself so that I may be able to love others. I feel his love when I am in danger, as when I was drowning./
I want to live in this community of St. Mark’s because here we experience this same love. Here we are daily reminded in scripture, tradition, and stories of those who lived before us that the only way to keep this love/ is to love ourselves as a gift from God and give this love away, back to God, and our neighbors./ This, my friends, indeed is the great commandment.
Joanna. joannaseibert.com