Nouwen, Kushner, Bolz-Weber: Choices, Suffering

Choices make the difference. We have very little control over what happens in our lives, but we have a lot of control over how we integrate and remember what happens. It is precisely these spiritual choices that determine whether we live our lives with dignity.” Henri Nouwen, Henri Nouwen Society Daily Meditation, from Bread for the Journey by Henri Nouwen 1997 HarperSanFrancisco.

The choices we make determine how we keep our connection to God and how the Christ in us connects to the Christ in those around us. In this postmodern world, we have so many choices, and so many are good. Our ministry is to connect to the choices that will bring about to us and others the fruit of the Spirit, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23)

Also, learning and being aware of our spiritual gifts can help in making a choice. If we are doing what we were created to do, we will be energized. Our community can also help us as we discern choices.

Nouwen is also talking about our choices when life brings unmerited suffering. This is so hard. If we become bitter or withdraw, it is hard to stay connected to God. I visit so often with spiritual friends who are seeking an answer to this very why question of why does an all-powerful, all loving God let suffering happen.

Harold Kushner had a young son, Aaron, who died at age fourteen from a devastating incurable genetic disease, In his book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, Rabbi Kushner asks us to change our question and all our energy from why did this happen to how can we work through this. This is the choice that can change us from victim to survivor to hero. Kushner also reminds us that God is right there in our suffering with us. We never suffer alone.

Nadia Bolz-Weber in Accidental Saints (p. 59-60) reminds us that she can only see God working in her life in retrospect. In the middle of difficulty she is “so filled with doubt and self-interest and ambition and neurosis that it’s hard to be tuned in to God. But after something surprising or intensely beautiful happens.. then I begin to suspect God.” This is my experience as well. When I am in the midst of pain, God’s presence is more like the early morning fog. As the fog lifts and the sun comes out, it becomes obviously clear that God was right there.

What also helps is reading and talking to others, hearing the stories of survivors who have lived through and are still living in suffering.

The why of suffering is a great mystery that people through the ages have written about. Our tradition teaches us that we have a God who suffered and suffers with us. It can be a time of questioning. Our tradition also teaches us that every Good Friday experience can lead to Easter, to resurrection. I think this is our ministry with our spiritual friends, trying eventually to remember and help ourselves and others see any hint of an Easter experience in suffering. I have mentioned my Easter story before. I never tire of sharing it.

Joanna joannaseibert.com