“Each of us carries in his heart an album of lovely pictures of the past: memories of events that brought gladness to us. I want you now to open this album and recall as many of these events as you can.”
—Anthony de Mello, “Exercise 18: The Joyful Mysteries of Your Life” in Sadhana: A Way to God; Christian Exercises in Eastern Form (Image Books, 1978), p. 71.
I am spending another morning feeling the presence of my husband’s mother, Elizabeth. She and Robert’s dad taught me how to love.
I look down as I write. I am wearing Elizabeth’s engagement ring and wedding band. They are bonded together. When Elizabeth started showing signs of Alzheimer’s, Bob gave her rings to my husband, Robert. He almost immediately forgot where he put them; in fact, we had decided that they were lost.
Then three years ago, when Elizabeth would have been 104, as Robert was looking for something in an old briefcase in his office, he found the rings. We talked about what to do with them. Should we break down the diamonds and give them to our grandchildren? Finally, he decided to keep them just as they are. Then, in the summer of Elizabeth’s 106th year, on the patio of Trio’s Restaurant, Robert got on his knee and asked if we could become engaged. He then gave me his mother’s beautiful rings that he had had sized for me at Sissy’s Log Cabin.
I had not received an engagement ring when we decided to get married. So now, in the 49th year of our marriage, I began to wear these beautiful rings that were worn by Elizabeth for almost that amount of time. In Advent we remember the wisdom of waiting. Elizabeth’s rings are an icon for me about waiting.
Did I remember to tell you that Bob and Elizabeth were married the same day, the same year as my parents?
So, what does all this have to do with spiritual direction? I think it is important to remember those who mentored and loved us. De Mello tells us to keep these times in an album in our imagination that we can repeatedly return to. I think we can still feel that love even long after they have died. Their love is with us or beside us or in us. I do not know exactly how it happens. These are the people who give us a little glimpse of the love of God. Often wearing a piece of a loved-one’s jewelry or having something nearby that was precious to that person helps us connect to him or her.
We remember and give thanks for loved ones who are gone, especially as we approach Christmas and remember the joy and love they brought to our lives during this season. We are called now to honor them by passing on that joy and love to others.
Joanna . joannaseibert.com