“If my prayer is centered in myself, if it seeks only an enrichment of my own self, my prayer itself will be my greatest potential distraction.”
—Thomas Merton in Thoughts in Solitude (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1999).
Thomas Merton reminds us what our prayer life, and the rest of our life as well, becomes when it is centered on ourselves, our own desires, our own needs, our own knowledge. Merton calls this kind of life a distraction— something that keeps us from the truth; a diversion, a disturbance of the mind; a hindrance. We think we are doing everything right; but in essence we are back where we started, with our world centered on ourselves rather than on God.
We may think that God is our co-pilot, but we ourselves are acting as pilot. We have such good ideas. God is there to make certain that our ideas, our prayers, are answered. I only have to think about all the outcomes that I prayed for that were not answered, that I later learned would have been disastrous—such as the boyfriends who never gave me the time of day and for whom I would have sold my soul. I also well remember the prayers that were answered that became harmful—the jobs I thought I had to have, the co-workers I just knew would be perfect.
As friends in recovery say, “Our best thinking got us here.”
When we do not say to God, “Thy will be done,” it seems God’s answer to us may sometimes be, “Your will be done.”
Merton is calling us to the prayer of surrender, turning our prayers as well as our life and our wills over to God. “Thy will be done.”
This kind of prayer and prayer life also calls for acceptance, forgiveness, gratitude, and most of all love—knowing that we are loved beyond any love we could imagine. And that love is daily offered to us, if we only choose to connect to it and accept it.
Joanna . joannaseibert.com