“When you have not yet learned what transformation feels or looks like, someone—perhaps some loving human or simply God’s own embrace—needs to hold you now because you cannot hold yourself. When we experience this radical holding, and even deep loving, this is salvation!”
—Richard Rohr, adapted from Great Themes of Paul: Life As Participation (Franciscan Media, 2002), disc 10.
We must not forget those for whom the holidays are often the hardest time, especially those who have experienced the death of a loved one. Some congregations hold “Blue Christmas” services to let people in mourning know that the church recognizes their loss.
I have been involved as a facilitator with an eight-week grief recovery group, Walking the Mourner’s Path, for more than fifteen years. In it we minister to people who are near their lowest point after the death of child, a spouse, a parent, a brother, a sister, a partner. We do witness despair, especially after tragic deaths such as the death of the young; but perspectives do change. Sometimes there is only a small transformation; sometimes it is huge. By deciding to come to the group, the participants have made a positive commitment to seek transformation; so they have already taken a step forward in a new direction before they come. As facilitators, we are there to bring the group together, to encourage them, to listen to them, to hear them, to give them time to articulate where they are in their grief. We are vessels holding the group.
The true healers are the participants themselves. They are the ones who know the most about despair. Individuals are all at different stages of grief. They honor and embrace the each other’s place as well. They radically hold and support each other. Some have been participating for a year, others maybe for three months. Mourners know their pain better than anyone else; and they can best share that “road less traveled” toward recovery and resurrection, honoring the lives of those they loved. It is a privilege to be there with them to witness resurrection.
Each year I find myself saying less and less, for the wisdom comes from the group. This is just one more instance of observing healing in community, and all we have to do is be present to look for and point out the God, the Christ child, in each other.
This week I am having a Christmas and New Year’s lunch with a Mourner’s Path group that has been meeting annually for more than six years—continuing to support and love each other, especially during the holidays. They have seen Good Friday. They and I go this morning to hear their stories of Incarnation and epiphany and resurrection.
Joanna . joannaseibert.com