Gerald May III: Spiritual Friends
“At the deepest level of our hearts, we are all aching, for each other and for the same eternally loving One who calls us. It would be well, I think, if we could acknowledge this more often to one another.”—Gerald G. May in Will and Spirit (HarperOne, 1982), p. 321.
First Daughters of the King installation at St. Mark’s 2019
In Will and Spirit, Gerald May writes that we should not undertake the spiritual journey alone, regardless of our tradition. May quotes Kenneth Leech, who opens his book about spiritual direction, Soul Friend (Harper & Row, 1980), with the Celtic saying: “Anyone without a soul friend is a body without a head.” A spiritual friend or guide does not give directions, but one who points directions—someone who knows something of the terrain from having traveled some of it. Such a guide can say, “I think there may be trouble over there; perhaps try this way.”
Professional training or qualifications of a director, counselor, or friend are not nearly as important as fundamental qualities of basic positive intent, humility (not presuming to know more than one knows), and willingness (commitment to traveling a rough road and allowing the guidance to come from God rather than trying to engineer it); and responding simply and directly to the needs of others as they are presented.
May cautions us that if we expect to be spiritual friends by learning discernment techniques and using them on other people, the outcome will be nothing but a blind sales pitch or slightly pastoralized psychotherapy. He describes psychology as seeking to help a person solve the problems of living, while spiritual direction deepens the Question of life itself.
I will be speaking at the Arkansas Daughters of the King Fall Assembly in Little Rock, September 9 on Forgiveness and the Spirituality of Aging. Contact me if you are interested.
spiritual direction friends at Kanuga