Blue Christmas, Holiday Healing Service, St. Mark’s Episcopal Church, Wednesday, December 15, 2021, 5:30 pm
The holidays are often the most challenging time after the death of a loved one. Also, after other losses, such as losing a job, dealing with addiction, divorce, depression, or severe illness. We hope the healing service tonight will help you know that this congregation has some awareness of how difficult this season is./ My only brother died seven years ago, the day after Christmas. I still miss him every day, especially in December, since he was such a Christmas person. My world has changed since he died. ///
Living through these difficult times is a painful journey. Tonight, we will consider road maps for the journey to bring comfort. The first journey is with the paralyzed man carried by his friends on a pallet/ through the roof to Jesus./
We cannot depend on ourselves alone to know and feel the healing love of God. We need spiritual friends. That is why God constantly calls us to community. We are like this man brought to Jesus on a pallet by his friends and lifted through a roof to Jesus below/ because the man cannot move. A crowd blocks access to Jesus. When we become paralyzed with fear, loneliness, pain, we feel trapped, blocked out of joy, the sunshine of the Spirit. We need spiritual friends to carry us on that pallet through the roof to God. Initially, we are the person on the pallet.\Later, we may become the friend helping to bring another companion on that pallet to healing./
At St. Mark’s, we glimpse the depth of the pain on this journey as we help carry friends to healing in a yearly grief group, Walking the Mourner’s Path. We walk with people near their lowest point after the death of a child, a spouse, a parent, a brother, a sister, a partner. We see despair, especially after tragic deaths and the death of the young, but as we meet in community, we always experience hope and healing. By simply coming to the group, participants make a positive commitment to look for new birth, new life. As facilitators, we hold the group together to encourage, listen, give people who sometimes seem paralyzed a time to speak as they are able. We figuratively walk beside,/ sit along,/ and sometimes carry each other, as we hold together the group with love.
However, the real healers, the real companions carrying their friend on a pallet to healing, are the participants themselves. They know most recently about despair. All are at a different stage of grief, but they honor and embrace the stage of each other. They radically hold and support each other. They experienced a death maybe a year ago, maybe after 20 years. They know the pain better than anyone else. Each year I say less and less, for the wisdom comes from the group carrying each other. / Once again, we see healing in community, as we are called to be present,/ aware,/ listen/ and be open/ to the Christ Child present beside and within each other./ Those in recovery also know that this same healing through community is available in 12 step groups.
Recently, I had a Christmas lunch with a Mourner’s Path group who has met annually for almost ten years to support and love each other, especially during the holidays./ We hear stories of incarnation, new birth, surprises, seeing God’s presence in each other when all seemed lost on that road to Bethlehem, and new birth. We talk about little experiences of love that carry us on our journey when we can no longer walk alone. A card, a call, a visit, even an email or text remind us that we are no longer alone and are surrounded by love. Once again, this new birth of the Christ Child, we yearn to meet at the manger/ in a stable of a crowded inn/ takes place best, in community. /////
Another struggle on our journey through despair to new life speaks of its length and difficulty. We will hear about this journey on Christmas Eve, the road less traveled from Nazareth to Bethlehem to the manger, new birth, recovery, and new life. This is the journey Mary and Joseph travel from Nazareth to Bethlehem for Jesus’s birth. Our Christmas story concentrates on the manger scene, but that journey before the birth is unbelievably stressful, with rugged terrain, dangerous encounters at every turn. Like Mary and Joseph, those experiencing difficulty during the holidays travel that 100-mile perilous, often lonely desert journey from Nazareth to Bethlehem. The journey is not safe for Mary and Joseph to travel alone. Their only option is making the journey in community, in a caravan./
Both Archbishop Tutu and Richard Rohr1 also describe healing in these times of seemingly darkness when we have experienced the death of a loved one, depression, a lost job, divorce, a family member who is not in recovery. “We need a promise, a hopeful direction, or it is very hard not to give up.” When we cannot see or feel or hear the path along the narrow road to new birth, “someone--- some loving person/ or simply God’s own embrace—will hold on to us because we sometimes cannot hold ourselves if we only allow it. When we experience this radical holding in love, this brings salvation,” the hope of new birth! This is why we are here tonight to acknowledge loss/ and hold each other in love on this journey./
Romans also reminds us that Christ is always here, reaching out to heal us. Nothing/ can separate us from God’s love. God never abandons us.
Henri Nouwen2 also writes that the Christ Child, is especially present in the dark times with those who are sick, disabled, hungry, grief-stricken, struggling with addiction. God is always with us on this journey. We are called to keep looking for tiny openings,/ small blessings,/ moments of clarity, surprising experiences of love we never expected, or from people we least expected, connecting us to God who so loves us. We are to keep allowing those God sends to walk part of this journey with us,/ when it is offered,/ most often at surprising moments.//
Frederick Buechner3 knows about this difficult journey from Nazareth to Bethlehem before there is new birth./ Buechner is at the lowest point in his life. His daughter is possibly dying, he is helpless, and in some ways, he has become almost as sick as she is. One day Buechner receives a call from a friend living in Charlotte, North Carolina, nearly 800 miles away, saying he hears Buechner is having a difficult time and wants to come and visit. He is a minister acquaintance, not a longtime friend. Buechner replies he would love to see him, and they should arrange a time. His friend says, “Well,/ actually,/ I am presently at the local inn about 20 minutes from your hilltop home in Vermont.” Buechner’s friend comes and stays several days. They take long walks, drive around, eat together. Buechner does not remember any deep theological conversation, and they may not have even mentioned Christ,/ but they do experience/ the touch of the tiny hands of the Christ Child/ reaching out to both of them. Buechner will always remember/ a friend who radically decides to come and walk that challenging journey to Bethlehem for a few days with him,/ and they both are changed.// This is the love of presence that brings on new birth that God calls us to share and offer to each other./
So tonight, I lighted a candle to honor my brother, Jim. My life has changed since his death. I have become closer to his three sons who live in Virginia. I am sharing my love for my brother now with his children. I send texts and call and plan to visit them soon. I want them to know I am walking this journey to Bethlehem,/ to new birth with them.
I look out into your eyes and remember I learned how to take this journey from so many of you.
May God bless each of us as we walk to Bethlehem together.
1Richard Rohr, Adapted from Richard Rohr, Great Themes of Paul: Life as Participation, disc 10 (Franciscan Media: 2002), CD.
2Henri Nouwen, You Are Beloved.
3Frederick Buechner in The Clowns in the Belfry.
Joanna joannaseibert.com